November 23, 2014

Dating and why I hate it.

Posted by James

Dating is just weird... Or perhaps just the games people play while dating is what makes it weird. You have all these people who play all these guessing games while dating, "should I tell him/her I like them?", I should act just a little pushy/distant/indifferent so they will want me more", and of course the list will go on. Here's a thought, just saying "I like you and would like for us to progress further than friends and have a romantic relationship". That is assuming you actually know the person beforehand, for trying to date a complete stranger... Well... That's a completely different kind of weird. I don't believe I will ever understand all the games people play in relationships, it just seems really illogical to do half the things that people do when it comes to a relationship.

The order people go through seems kind of wrong as well... Most relationships tend to follow this order Meet>Date>Friendzone. This goes back to my earlier comment about the whole dating someone you just met concept. Isn't that just a bit weird to you? The overall better pattern I would argue is Meet>Become friends>become close friends>If there is a mutual interest in a relationship, start dating.

If you follow the standard pattern feelings get hurt a lot more because you tend to put more out there and act a little differently. Then when it doesn't work, the ability to become friends is damaged and it's really hard for most people to move beyond the hurt and typically a potentially good friendship is lost.

With the other pattern you have this amazing possibility. You have a friendship (woah common interest and you have fun together). Then if it progresses you have a close friendship (you know more about each other than most, you really enjoy being around each other). Crazy huh? No one has been hurt yet and you probably have more friends of the opposite sex than you did before. But then there is that one... That person who is a super close friend who you just don't want to leave, that person you want to be with forever.

You already know, if they feel the same and want a relationship it will work because you already spend a lot of time together. You already know each other like the back of your hand and you know you could live together very easily and comfortably.

What if they don't feel the same... What if they don't want a relationship? It's true, there will be a sting there because your feelings weren't returned. Nothing is ruined though! You haven't kissed or done anything intimate. You haven't left friend territory. Most "post-relationship frienships" don't work because one if not both people involved can't forget about the intimacy they shared. If you never had that you can keep your amazing friendship risk free and be happy to know and have that special person in your life, even if you know they aren't the one.

If you truly are close to them perhaps you can even ask why they don't want to move forward. Perhaps it's a personal reason (if so, would you even have a friendship with this amazing person if you tried dating them immediately?) or maybe it's just the fact that they want something different for a partner. Whatever the reason is, you now have an amazing friend by your side.

I simply don't think you should seek a relationship with someone you don't really know because it means you are doing so based strictly on appearances and that doesn't help you at all, they could be the most horrible person in the world but now you put a label on it and want to keep it going if you can. When in other situations you would just drop all communication with that type of person and move on with your life.

Personally I'm curious to everyone else's views on dating and what you would prefer in your life. Please feel free to share any thoughts.