Dating and why I hate it.

Dating and why I hate it.

Posted by James

Dating is just weird... Or perhaps just the games people play while dating is what makes it weird. You have all these people who play all these guessing games while dating, "should I tell him/her I like them?", I should act just a little pushy/distant/indifferent so they will want me more", and of course the list will go on. Here's a thought, just saying "I like you and would like for us to progress further than friends and have a romantic relationship". That is assuming you actually know the person beforehand, for trying to date a complete stranger... Well... That's a completely different kind of weird. I don't believe I will ever understand all the games people play in relationships, it just seems really illogical to do half the things that people do when it comes to a relationship.

The order people go through seems kind of wrong as well... Most relationships tend to follow this order Meet>Date>Friendzone. This goes back to my earlier comment about the whole dating someone you just met concept. Isn't that just a bit weird to you? The overall better pattern I would argue is Meet>Become friends>become close friends>If there is a mutual interest in a relationship, start dating.

If you follow the standard pattern feelings get hurt a lot more because you tend to put more out there and act a little differently. Then when it doesn't work, the ability to become friends is damaged and it's really hard for most people to move beyond the hurt and typically a potentially good friendship is lost.

With the other pattern you have this amazing possibility. You have a friendship (woah common interest and you have fun together). Then if it progresses you have a close friendship (you know more about each other than most, you really enjoy being around each other). Crazy huh? No one has been hurt yet and you probably have more friends of the opposite sex than you did before. But then there is that one... That person who is a super close friend who you just don't want to leave, that person you want to be with forever.

You already know, if they feel the same and want a relationship it will work because you already spend a lot of time together. You already know each other like the back of your hand and you know you could live together very easily and comfortably.

What if they don't feel the same... What if they don't want a relationship? It's true, there will be a sting there because your feelings weren't returned. Nothing is ruined though! You haven't kissed or done anything intimate. You haven't left friend territory. Most "post-relationship frienships" don't work because one if not both people involved can't forget about the intimacy they shared. If you never had that you can keep your amazing friendship risk free and be happy to know and have that special person in your life, even if you know they aren't the one.

If you truly are close to them perhaps you can even ask why they don't want to move forward. Perhaps it's a personal reason (if so, would you even have a friendship with this amazing person if you tried dating them immediately?) or maybe it's just the fact that they want something different for a partner. Whatever the reason is, you now have an amazing friend by your side.

I simply don't think you should seek a relationship with someone you don't really know because it means you are doing so based strictly on appearances and that doesn't help you at all, they could be the most horrible person in the world but now you put a label on it and want to keep it going if you can. When in other situations you would just drop all communication with that type of person and move on with your life.

Personally I'm curious to everyone else's views on dating and what you would prefer in your life. Please feel free to share any thoughts.

What is success?

What is success?

Posted by James

What is success? Who decides what success is for everyone? The definition of success is somewhat broad from dictionary.com. "the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like."How much wealth? How high of a position? What kind of honors? So many people look at the small percentage of people who make millions or even billions and think "That is success".

That isn't to take away from their ability and success in life but it doesn't mean that their amount of money is what made them successful, it's the type of person they became to get that far that made them successful. I strongly believe that you can be successful in life without having to be rich or famous.

Success in life to me is always working towards the happiness of yourself and those you care about. The amount of money you make isn't what's important and in my opinion doesn't decide a successful life even if that's what we are taught to believe. 

Comparing our minimal wage to the money a celebrity makes in a year, it seems like a fraction. The money they make allow them to live a completely different life style than most of us but I ask you to think about this, if you could live that lifestyle, would you want to? I am personally happy living a low profile life, living in a small town and being around my friends and family.

There is nothing as important to me as being around the people I care about and nothing that could make me happier. I have had the amazing opportunity to talk to people from both sides of the world and one thing I have seen is, there are a lot more content, satisfied, happy people who are broke. Why is that?

Well I think for the people who have a lot but don't really have a good business sense to manage it, they focus on nothing but making more or keeping their personal wealth. Fighting to keep it or expand it leaves you to spend more time worrying about your money than you do your life. Someone who has just enough to survive knows they will have food and their loved ones and that's all they really care about in the end.

With all of that said I do believe that you can obtain a lot in life and still be really happy, but I encourage all of you to never let that be the only thing you care about.This world is too big and there are so many amazing people to meet to be blinded and focus only on one thing in life.

Interviewing for jobs as a young man.

Interviewing for jobs as a young man.

Posted by James

I don't know what to think, don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going through a bit of a depression phase in a part of my life that has no time for depression. What should happen is uncertain to me. Life has always been simple, I have always known what I wanted to do and have done it with success.

I wanted to go to college, I did that. I wanted to become a proficient programmer, I did that too. I wanted to become a good bowler. I have done that. But with graduation a mere 9 weeks away and college payments just 6 months after that, where do I go from here?

I have been to many interviews and have yet to get a job. The feeling of being rejected sucks, anyone can agree with that. The problem comes with the fact that there is always someone better than you. Especially in this time where the economy is bad and I have no experience in the field of programming. There are people who are applying for these same jobs that have 10 years experience.

I know what you're probably thinking right now, "why are you trying to get a job that a person with 10 years experience would apply for?" Fun story about that. Where I live, tech jobs are very limited. Even the experienced people are having a hard time and they are applying for entry level positions so they can work their way up with the company.

I know my skills are good enough to be in the field right now, I have been programming since I was a young child and have a better understanding of it than most people my age. I know that saying I'm good isn't enough but even if I could show them I feel like they wouldn't hire me over someone who is older and has actual work experience.

Why would they? From a business standpoint it wouldn't make much sense. Think about it. Why hire this 21 year old who is bound to leave the company the moment he sees a better opportunity, Instead hire this older gentleman who has a family to support and is more likely to stick with us if we give him the job.

I get it, I do. This seems like me complaining towards the companies for not hiring me, I understand the many reasons I'm not appealing compared to other people. The issue I'm trying to voice is that in this current world it seems like they are setting the youth up to fail. This is probably because they have hired young people before who lacked dedication but to judge other young people by the actions of punks is like me judging older people for the actions of criminals.

For example, you say "all young people are punks who think life is a party" and someone else says "all older people lack dedication to better themselves and just stay where they are in life". Hmm.... keep in mind that neither statement is true but I imagine both have been argued at some point in time. My point is, to judge someone by their age without really knowing them is completely foolish.

I don't really know how we could fix this issue honestly, it feels like something that will always be in place because it just makes sense from a business perspective to not take the chance on the young trigger happy guy and instead go with the stable, family oriented gentleman.

So you see, it isn't anything against the companies. I think they are making the smart decision based on what they know, or rather what they think they know. But where do I go from here. How do I become appealing enough to win over the other person with 10 years experience. Interviews are competitions, and I'm losing.

Is speeding really worth a ticket?

Is speeding really worth a ticket?

Posted by James

Admit it, we all go a "little" over the speed limit on the interstate from time to time. Young or old this led foot is something that comes over all of as at some point. Rather we are late for work, really just want to get home, or just don't want to be in our car anymore. We all drive a little faster than we should when the time comes.

But the question is, is it worth it? Is speeding really worth the risk of being pulled over? Is it worth you having to pay a ticket, and potentially spending an hour for the cop to check all your information to make sure you're not wanted for some mysterious crime? I would say no, but many might disagree.

Why do I say they would disagree? Because until I sat down and thought about the math behind it, I would of disagreed. Now that is probably strange to hear right? Math is involved in this theory? Yes, I'm afraid so. 

I will keep everything very simple but just think about this for a moment, if you are traveling at 60 miles an hour and someone else is traveling at 65 miles an hour, they are literally only going to be ahead of you by 5 miles after an hour of driving. If you are driving at 60 miles an hour you are literally traveling a mile every minute. You are only 5 minutes behind after an hour of travel.

So what happens if you only drive about 30 minutes? Well the time saved just gets worse, you are only behind two and a half minutes. What if you only drove 15 minutes? Well now you are only behind that person by one minute and fifteen seconds. So yes, oddly enough that extra five miles an hour doesn't really do much for you unless you are driving really long distances?

Keep in mind that the time saved varies depending on the speed limit itself, the higher the speed limit the less affective speeding becomes, the lower the speed limit, the more beneficial it is. Just keep in mind if you were driving 5 miles over the limit and the limit was 30 mph you would still only save 10 minutes after driving a full hour so it's still not that helpful.

So what if I drove 10 miles above the speed limit? Well just go back and double the time saved, it's still not very impressive and it increases the odds of a cop pulling you over even more. The real question here is if speeding saves enough time to justify the risk of having to pay a fine and wasting even more time than normal.

For me the answer is no, it's not. I don't need a ticket to tell me to keep my led foot under wraps, but maybe this post will just encourage some of you to drive even faster now to save more time.

There are obviously even more risk than just the ticket itself. Your car insurance is likely to go up from this ticket, and even though I would hate to think about it, there is always the possibility of a wreck. The estimated increase in damage and injuries can be found in more detail by clicking here.

I'm really curious to what you all think now that this has all been brought out in front of you, will you slow down, speed up, or keep going the way you are going right now? Speeding may not save you a lot of time but it has the potential to cost you a ton of time and some money as well, so just keep that in mind when you see that speedometer going up in your car.

How would aliens view humans?

How would aliens view humans?

Posted by James

One of the most controversial questions of all time in America is "do aliens exist?" which can be linked back to area 51 conspiracies as well as crop circles and many other unexplained events. Truly though, could you imagine how a species with technology to travel further than our dreams could ever take us, would view us?

I would like you to entertain a small thought for a moment. We, as humans, tend to judge other species that don't really match up to us. For example, you aren't very likely to say a random monkey is your equal. As much as you might like animals you aren't really going to suggest that they have homes of their own, or start working in the business industry.

Aliens would view us in much of the same way, potentially just more dangerous. It is odd, even for me writing this, to think about humans from an outside perspective, but looking at it from a stranger's point of view you could really see a lot of interesting things going on.

Look at all the crime, the murders, the stealing, the assaults, the wars. We are the most destructive species on earth. We easily have the capabilities of not only ending our own kind but many other species on earth. We only have one earth and yet we choose to pollute it and continue to cover it in trash.

I truly believe that if there are aliens out there the reason we haven't heard about them yet is because we aren't ready to. Could you imagine the fear, the riots, and the attacks against them that the human race would certainly commit towards them.  You might not fear them, you might not want to hurt them, but you are not the only one on this earth.

Many would fear, many would riot, and many would demand military action for "our safety". All it would take is one person in power to fire a missile at them and it would ruin our relationship with them forever. If they are smart enough to be able to travel to this planet and observe us than there is no doubt that they have realized this as well.

It will probably not happen in our lifetime but there will be a point where humanity will be able to accept things that are different without fear, but that time is not now, probably not even not near our generation or the next.

What will happen when we are ready to accept them? Only time will tell. I wish I would be able to be alive to see that day when it comes but nothing can last forever and everything has an end. Would you welcome a species more powerful than humans on this earth?

Why do People Complain but Never Change

Why do People Complain but Never Change

Posted by James

This is a bit of a touchy subject for some people, but I have noticed a very disturbing trend not only among the young but among older people as well, and a part of me wonders if this has simply been a problem ever since the dawn of time. People are so quick to complain about a situation but they never do anything to make it better.

So, why do people do this? Well, you could make a hundred theories as to the reasoning or mindset of these people. I believe a few reasons this could happen, and certainly there are many others, but these key points strike me as more common than most.

People are used to being babied and being able to cry and have someone else fix it.
They feel entitled by others, as if the other person owes it to them to fix their problem for them.
They become too emotional towards the situation to even consider a solution.
They simply feel trapped, like there is not a solution and they think that life sucks and there is nothing they can do.

The first thing you have to do to fix a problem is quit complaining

 and understand what needs to be done to actually fix it.

The easiest way to understand what the solution is would be to reflect upon yourself first. Think about the things you don't like or feel could be improved in your life. (Your marriage, your car, your job, ect.) You got where you are today by doing what you do now, so why do you think that you can keep doing those things and have anything change for you? What can you change about yourself to improve your life?

Everyone can improve themselves in someway. The greatest truth in the world is that no one is perfect, so why should we ever stop trying to improve ourselves as people?

Why being young and moving forward is hard

Why being young and moving forward is hard

Posted by James

A lot of people I have had the pleasure of talking to in the past have always said words like "you're young and can do anything." Well, for me, this is a double edged sword that brings me down for two reasons.

The first reason is really a simple and somewhat selfish reason... okay I lied, it's completely selfish. By saying that being young is the reason I can do what I do, you are basically saying that when I get older I will lose all of those abilities. To say things like that somewhat shadows a person's ability to grow and become better at what they do, and also become wiser.

I believe that people never quit growing unless they want to. If you are always looking for ways to better yourself then you will. Sometimes simply looking for the way to become a better person will let you see the way.

The second reason why I don't like hearing "you're young and can do anything." is because it puts a pressure of expectation on the person being told that. Just think for a moment if you will. If I can do anything then doesn't the average life seem a bit lesser than the "high class glamor" life that our pop culture has ingrained in society as "the best life".

In truth I would take the average life that goes on without a whole lot of attention over all the popularity and trouble that would follow. But the point is that our culture tells us that celebrities have it made. As an influential child I used to be told that I could have anything in the world, then I would see a high class mansion someone lived in and thrive for that.

Sometimes trying to impress or live up to expectations will limit you even more, but believing no one cares about how you do in life could lead to a form of self-destruction, so you have to be careful where to draw the line. You have to let them know you want them to succeed, but only in what they want to be good at. You don't want them to feel obligated to do something they don't want to do just to live up to your expectations of them.

Please feel free to share your own thoughts on the issue because I'm interested about how you feel about the phrase and the subject of over encouragement in general.